Wanna give it a try?

I just learned (from True Heart Girl) that eHarm is having a special promotion. $9.95 a month for 3 months (I googled it and here's the link to the codes). That's a fantastic offer. If you've thought about joining, that's an amazing price.

Sadly it's only available to new members.

But it is interesting that as soon as she tweeted me about it I immediately rushed to see if I could do it.

I guess that means I haven't given up all hope yet.

:)

UPDATE: True Heart Girl has helped me again. She found the right code that will work for previous members. I'm going to ponder this for a day or two and then maybe sign up again. Thank you THG!

Calling it quits

A couple weeks ago I canceled my eHarm subscription. I was no longer having even potentially meaningful interactions with men and decided it was time for a break. I haven't sworn it off completely, but I'm weary about the whole thing and don't have the sparkle about it that I once had.

That's how I felt 2 weeks ago.

Then I went to my cousin's wedding in Long Beach and heard the sweet story about how he met his new wife on eHarmony. And she was just about to cancel her subscription when my cousin "nudged" her. They met, hit it off, sparks flew, and the rest is history.

As soon as they walked back up the aisle, I was ready to rejoin. I don't want to be alone. I really do want someone to share my life with. And I always thought of eHarm as the last effort. Like when all else fails, go to them and they will find your man.

But I haven't rejoined yet.

My life feels like it's in upheaval. And I know that's not a good time for me to try to be interesting, pretty, fun, entertaining and seductive.

Maybe in another month or two I'll start up again.

I'm not ready to give up. But can God please hurry up and send me the man of my dreams? I'm not getting any younger here.

I'm not really Creative with a C, but I'm definitely Kreativ with a K

I was sitting here at work, avoiding doing anything truly productive, and I of course jumped on reader to see what my favorite blogs had for me. Much to my surprise and delight, Kimberly over at Got Blog? had something special for me. Thank you so much Kimberly!!

Here are the RULES of this Award:

(1) Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
(2) Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
(3) Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
(4) Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
(5) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
(6) Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
(7) Leave a comment on each of the blogs, letting them know they have been nominated.


Seven things you may or may not find interesting...

1. I have a little birthmark in the shape of a foot on my left knee.
2. I look at my Blackberry approximately 80 bazillion times every hour because it's possible someone sent me a text or email and I didn't hear it chime.
3. I have naturally red hair and at least once a week someone asks me if it's real. Does that mean it looks fake?
4. Although I grew up in the Emerald Triangle I have never tried the local crop.
5. I always test positive for Tuberculosis. I blame Kevin the dirty kid in 1st grade.
6. I own all 6 season of the HBO show Oz. And have watched them all at least 3 times.
7. Every time I go to the freezer to get some ice, I ALWAYS drop at least 1 piece on the floor. Always. Every time.

Here are some of the bloggies I love:
1. Life Uncensored
2. Losing Weight, Finding Myself
3. The Grundmans
4. Carolina Girl
5. Special Kind of Stupid
6. Accidental Ambivalence
7. Her Artichoke Heart

Tips for using eHarmony

My good blog/twitter friend Ronda just signed up for my beloved eHarm. I'm so excited for her and at the same time I feel I have so much wisdom to share. I started to write my tips down as a comment to her, and decided to finish them up here for all to enjoy.

So without further ado, I give you my Incredibly Useful and Truthful Tips for Navigating the Waters of eHarmony. Or UITTNWE for short.

Tip #1: Don't be afraid to close someone out for any reason. Just because you are matched doesn't mean he isn't weird. And let's be honest, we're all little weird, but some styles of weird aren't compatible.

Tip #2: If they don't have a picture, they are probably married...or cheap. Either way just close him. You can give him a couple days to put up a picture, but it rarely happens.

Tip #3: If they don't respond to communication they probably haven't paid for the service. That means you either wait for a free weekend and hope they communicate with every match they have or you just close them. Cheap bastards!

Tip #4: Have multiple cute pictures of yourself (all your pictures are cute, duh!) doing different things. Show them how amazing you are.

Tip #5: Trust that they do look as dorky in person as they do in their pictures. Seriously. Trust me on this one.

Tip #6: Don't assume your matches are men. Sometimes eHarm gets funky.

Tip #7: If he has a picture with someone cropped out, it's probably not his Mom.

Tip #8: Don't wait for your matches to communicate with you. I'd say roughly 80% never respond (see Tip #3) and they can clog up your match list. Plus you are taking control of things here. You are in the driver's seat so steer your way to love (men love car metaphors!).

Tip #9: It's OK to close someone at later stages in communication. Remember, this is all about you. Don't worry about his feelings yet. Right now he's only words on a screen.

Tip #10: Carefully review his list of Must haves/Can't stands. If he lists "Unassuming: I must have someone who is able to accept criticism, and even admit to being wrong sometimes" that means he has to be right. Always. This also works for "Denial: I can't stand someone who is unable to accept blame or see fault in their own actions."

Tip #11: Be sure to notice what he has listed for his occupation. If that box is blank, you might have a problem. If he can pay for eHarm, he should really have job.

Tip #12: Don't be discouraged when someone closes you. He just did you a favor. Forget it and move on.

Tip #13: Ice breakers. Don't bother. These are free so they are only used by people who haven't paid for this service and thus they can only communicate this way. Again, you will either have to wait for a free weekend to communicate with them or just ditch them right away. Your call.

Tip #14: On every profile, they say they want honesty. (Isn't that a given?) That makes me think most men feel they have been lied to. Give him what he wants and be honest. With him and yourself.

Tip #15: Treat every match like the first match. After a while, it gets tedious to answer the same questions with the same answers. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked " What are you looking for in a relationship partner?" Sometimes I give a nice long explanation, other times I just want to write "um...stuff" just to be done with it. You can copy and paste your answers (if you remember who asked you) or just be honest and fully commit to that person for that 2 minutes to write something heartfelt. At least I hope he's doing that when he answers my questions.

Tip #16: Once you decide to communicate with him outside of eHarm, go ahead and close him out (use the excuse "we're communicating outside of eHarm"). Trust me on this one. If things go sour, there's no awkward closing later.

Tip #17: Along the lines of Tip #14, pay close attention to what he says. If he's inconsistent with his stories, watch out. There are professional players out there.

Tip #18: Insist on talking on the phone before meeting. You can learn a lot about someone by how they conduct themselves on the phone. This is invaluable.

Tip #19: Go ahead and give him a chance. Meet somewhere public and make the time short (no more than an hour). Treat it like an interview and get the answers to what you want to know.

Tip #20: Be patient. Weeding through the weirdos takes time. But you may just find someone worth the effort. Give it a chance and go with gusto.

Bonus tip: Filling out the personality profile thingy make you feel like you've just accomplished something major, like completing a dissertation. That's right folks, I have a PhD in myself.

I think we have a problem

Um. Can you tell me what's wrong with this match?

Apparently eHarm now thinks I'm gay. They have grown bored of sending me matches of men who live with their mothers and possibly have an unnatural attachment to their children (cats) and have resorted to sending me profiles of women.

Either that or someone can't remember if s/he's got a vag or a peen.

"Laura" is sensual? Do men ever use that word to describe themselves? Would I want to meet a man that would say he's sensual? Although one of my favorite activities is shopping, so maybe eHarm is onto something.

But wait, there's more. Here's his/her profile:
























"Laura" wants honesty? Yeah me too. Please honestly tell me if you are a man or a woman. That is quite possibly a deal-breaker.

Ugh! I'm done.

Last Thursday we were chatting and had what I thought was the beginning of an interesting conversation. He said he had to deal with a crisis at work and I asked if everything was OK. He said he needed to explain to his boss why he needed a transfer to a different branch (he works at a bank). I inquired about the transfer and he said, "yeah it might be a better fit."

I asked "why is that?" and then he abruptly stopped talking to me. I heard nothing from him until Monday morning. No explanation. Was I prying? Should I have asked no questions? A "better fit" is a vague reason for changing jobs and is often a lame excuse for personal failure. I know people who have used "better fit" as a reason for leaving a job. In reality they were fired. And probably for good reason.

Now the texts and chats are very superficial. "How are you?" "How's your day?"

Please just stop.

I think it says a lot when I would rather do work than talk to him.

Just go away.

I'm Stuck in a Cycle

I'm not exactly sure how I got here.

For the past several weeks I've been talking to a new guy from eHarm. He seems nice, genuine, compassionate and although he does live with his mother (I still don't know how I feel about that one) I am somewhat intrigued by him. Somehow, and I don't quite know how it happened, we have only been communicating through chats and texts. I can't remember how it started. Typically when I give someone my number, I like to hear their voice fairly soon because we all know what a kiss of death a weird voice can be. It's also a useful tool in weeding out the Cat Daddy's of the world.

But somehow I'm stuck in this never-ending loop of texts. "Good Morning" "How's your day going" "What are you doing?" "What did you have for dinner?" "Are you still awake?" How many times do I have to answer the same questions? This shouldn't feel like work. And maybe if we weren't in this cycle of LOLs and :) we might have something more meaningful to talk about. Instead we are limited to a handful of words that mean nothing to me and that I can't muster the enthusiasm to care about.

I should stop this train and just call him. Or do that sweet and endearing thing where I manipulate him into calling and at the same time get him to think that he was the one who originated the idea. (Yes men are capable of generating the idea to pick up the phone, but I might have a little influence in the timing on occasion).

I think about calling. I think about how we can stop the idle chit chat. And yet I don't call. I wrap myself in a warm cocoon of reality TV and put my phone on silent.

Hmm. Maybe I don't want to talk to him. I shouldn't be this apathetic about someone this soon.

Do I hang in there and see if I can care a little more about this, or do I cut it off now and put all my focus back on my shows?

Mama's Boys?

I've just noticed an alarming detail on my journey with eHarm which both concerns and perplexes me. Although I've met many men on this site, I've only met about 8 in person. Of those 8, 4 admitted to living with one or both of their parents? That's half! Am I out of touch with the world these days? Is it too much to ask that a single man in his 30's have his own residence? I'm not suggesting that a man has to own an opulent mansion with a pool and a gardener, but a 1 bedroom apartment would be nice.

I know what you're thinking. "But maybe there are other circumstances. Maybe he's taking care of his sick Mother, or maybe he lost his job."

Yeah you've succeeded in making me feel guilty because who has the right to judge someone's living situation while they are taking care of their ailing parent? But really, if he's taking care of his Mom, does he have time to meet new people and start a relationship? And if he lost his job, shouldn't he be out looking for another job and not trolling the Internet for chicks? Plus he should probably save the monthly fee and use it to buy food.

So my question is, do I remain understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt? Do I try to understand their situation and wait to judge them? Or do I realize that something in my profile is now attracting homeless men? Maybe I should stop advertising the fact that I have an extra bedroom.

Free Weekends Are Evil

These are tough economic times. I get that. People are being more careful with their expenditures. I totally get that. I myself am enduring a 20% pay cut, which I hope is only temporary.

And I understand that not everyone has the financing to be able to pay to meet people online. eHarmony isn't cheap, but there are free sites out there. If you don't want to pay the money for it, that's just fine. There are plenty of other places to meet people. I chose eHarm because I thought it would attract more people who are serious about meeting someone and less people who are just interested in hooking up. And I'm paying actual money to meet these people (wait that almost sounds like prostitution!).

Here's what annoys me: Men who only communicate during the free weekends. I get it, you're broke. Or maybe just cheap. Either way, if I send you a question to answer, I would prefer an actual answer and not some cryptic jumble of letters and codes that are probably some lame attempt to disguise the fact that you are giving your email address. If you are really interested in me, give me a response to my question first.

Here's an actual set of questions and responses from this weekend.

1. What do you most like to do on a day off?
I'm getting in late so I don't have time to answer your questions...

2. What do you find physically attractive?
...It would be pointless anyway since I'm not a member on this site and can only communicate within it during the free weekends...

3. How do you act when you're angry?
...If you'd like to continue getting to know me, write to me at XXXXXX@ymail.com. Please include a recent picture since they don't allow non-members to view them here.

Hmm. Well it would be pointless for me to respond to this guy because I'm not interested in getting to know him better. If he can't even pretend to be interested in me, then I won't bother responding to him. He put in the least amount of effort and I will be following his lead.

And his little bit about including a recent picture? Are you effing kidding me? Why does eHarmony hate me so much?

It really was nothing else

When we were at our "lunch and nothing else" we had talked about going to see a movie the following Saturday. He said he'd call me and we would set up the plans.

I didn't really think he would call. And he didn't. That Friday, he sent me a text message. Hiya. That's it. Really? Don't strain yourself buddy. I responded back casually and it didn't go much further. There was no mention of getting together by either of us. Perhaps we are just 2 nice people who aren't interested in each other and yet don't want to be the bad guy and actually come out and say it. Or we're just lazy.

Oh well. On to the next.

I re-upped with eHarm for another 3 months. If nothing else, it's some entertainment for me. It gives me something to write about, something to look forward to, something to occupy my mind.