I Miss You

After a very long absence, the following is an actual Yahoo chat with FT:

FT: i miss u
Me: ur back online?

The answer is no. He's not online. OK yes he was, but only for about 10 minutes (thanks Starbucks for the free wifi).

I haven't talked to him in a week. We are now averaging 1 thirty minute phone call once a week. This might not seem that bad, but we only live about 20 miles apart. Why aren't we going out? Doing things? I wish I knew.

He doesn't do texts and doesn't return my phone calls for days (so I stopped calling him). I suppose I would call him a friend at this point, but really he's more like an acquaintance. Someone I only met once (2 months ago) and doesn't seem likely I'll ever see again. Let's be honest here, if he wanted to see me again, he would have. I obviously like him (against my better judgment) and want to spend time with him. But it's clearly not reciprocal. I accept that. I'm trying to at least. After our last phone conversation I pretty much decided I was done with him. Not that it was a bad conversation, it was just a catching up kind of call. There was no forward movement. I so decided I wasn't going to call him. I'm no longer interested (and if I tell myself this enough times I might believe it).

So today I get back to my desk from a break and I have a flashing light on my cell. I grab the phone to see who texted me and discover that it's really a missed call and voicemail message. Yup. He called me. At 10am. While I'm at work. It's good that I wasn't at my desk when the phone rang because I'm not sure I would have answered. What is there to say? And what do I want to say with a room full of nosy co-workers salivating over every syllable? Within 15 minutes he was online talking to me.

Why? I don't understand. Can't we just let this thing die? We do not have a relationship. And when he pretends that we do every time he calls he just annoys me. He has no right to be angry or jealous if I have a platonic male friend. Even if I have a non-platonic male friend. Or a non-platonic girlfriend. Whatever.

I just wish he'd make up his mind.

Shit or get off the pot.

You either like me and want to spend time with me or you don't. Clearly he doesn't. So now he needs to stop calling.

I'm really going to miss FT. Just not as much as I thought I would.