I might not be cut out for eHarmony. I understand that it's a dating site. I understand that I am paying money to participate. I understand that the more matches I get the more I am getting for the money I am paying. I truly understand this. And I have no problem when I am viewing profiles. The challenge comes when I am talking to more than one person. I already mentioned eDude and the disastrous date we went on. I did hear from him the next day. I sent him a text saying that I had a good time and he responded that he did too. There was a little back and forth about how our days were going and then we both stopped texting. I don't know what this means. Is he interested? Is he just being polite? Is he considering changing his number to get away from me?
As I am pondering everything I said or should have said with eDude, I get a message from eBoy. We have been emailing each other multiple times a day for more than a week. Yesterday he asked me out for a drink. Before I even thought about it, I had answered yes. SHIT! How do I remember what I know about eBoy and not get it confused with what I know about eDude? What if I am as retarded on this date as I was on the date only 16 hours ago? And by going out with eBoy am I closing the door on eDude? I'm just not cut out for the juggling thing (I realize that 2 dates is not juggling).
I drive to mid-town to meet up with eBoy and I am surprisingly calm. I'm not even remotely as nervous as I was the previous night. I don't understand. Why am I not nervous? Did I use up all my nerves and now there aren't any left? Do I just feel more comfortable with this man? Do I feel more like friends with him so I don't really see this as a date? I don't know.
I walk into the coffee place and he's sitting there waiting for me. He's cute, nice, intelligent and sweet. We proceed to have an hour of amazing conversation. A real conversation. I was telling him about my job and he asked very interesting questions. I really felt like he heard what I said and internalized it and asked questions because he was interested. It was so easy to talk to him. The hour flew by and before I knew it the shop was closing. He walked me to my car and said he had a great time and we should do it again. I agreed and we parted ways.
It was a lovely evening, but I'm starting to wonder if my lack of nervousness, although it allowed me to be more like myself and engage in meaningful dialogue, was a signal that I only view him as a friend. Do my nerves from the night before indicate a deeper attraction to eDude?
I guess now I just wait to see if either of them actually wants a second date.
5 comments:
hm no, I don't think your nervousness is a sign of attraction. You were nervous BEFORE you met him and I really believe attraction is something that is very much impossible to calculate at a distance (unfortunately). Chemistry is mental and physical - you need to be there with the person to know.
Now YOU will have to decide what are YOUR signs of attraction (I don't think I had signs I could observe on myself). But having someone one your mind is generally a good one...
And juggling... well... it's a complete personal decision. I personally always found that hard to date several people at once. Others find that relaxing because they don't obsess on that one person... it is your choice. But it is ethically ok if that is your concern.
I always used to get nervous on first dates, but my first date with who is now the love of my life, I wasn't even a bit nervous. I remember thinking, why am I so comfortable with this guy? I also worried that it was only going to be friendship, until we had our first kiss and the fireworks came. So who knows? Things may heat up with Eboy. And I agree about the juggling-until you start hooking up, your conscience is clear.
First off, 2 guys is juggling? Please, I once dated nine girls at once, try juggling that one. You should have seen what happened when they all showed up at the bar at the same time.
Dating is such a pain in the ass. So many rules and formalities. I detest it. I say skip dating and jump straight to the sex. Saves time.
For me, when I date a few guys at once, I don't feel nervous or awkward meeting anyone new because I guess I just don't care if it works out with them or not. And I think by me not being nervous, I'm acting like my normal self and men see that as confident and want to go out again.
Dude. Maybe you weren't neverous, becuase a certian crazy person who just happened to be walking by that same cafe, freaked you out so much it was like a shot of valuim in the arm.
And at least you weren't asked by someone with a gun to "Show your tits"
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