Well I did it. Last night I sent my final message to eGuy. I wish I had been able to tell him exactly what I thought of him, how I felt about what he did, and how angry and hurt it made me. But I couldn't do it. I had even written a long rambling letter about how confused and disappointed he made me. In the end I decided that just getting the words out of me was a huge help. I didn't need to send that part. Instead, I sent the following:
I won't bother you anymore. It's clear you don't feel the same way about me as I feel about you. I wish it wasn't this way. I truly liked you and enjoyed spending time with you. I'm sorry things didn't work out. I hope you are happy and that you find what you are looking for.
I don't know why I felt compelled to have one last word. I just had to do it. After I hit "send" I felt like a weight had been lifted. I could put him behind me and concentrate on the new person I am talking to. Unfortunately this morning I checked to see if he had read the message. That was a mistake on my part. I should have just removed all traces of him from my computer. But I didn't and so I saw that he had read the message last night. And given me no response. Did I really think he would write back? I guess in some ways I did. I was still holding on to the hope that he had a good excuse for hurting me. That I wasn't just some worthless piece of shit that he couldn't even be bothered to acknowledge. That everything he had ever told me wasn't a lie told to manipulate me. So today, I'm not as OK as I was before. I know I will be, but today it hurts all over again. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I need to find solace in the fact that the person I thought I knew doesn't exist. The person I thought I knew would never have treated me like this. The person I spent time with was an impostor and it is a good thing that he is now gone from my life. I won't give him another chance to hurt me.
9 comments:
What you did took alot of strength, its hard to give yourself the respect you deserve when you can't get it from the poeple you wish would give it to you.
I wish I had the ability to do what you did.
I didn't have any other choice. He won't communicate with me so I'm left with sending stupid messages that get no reaction from him. He truly doesn't care. I should have figured that out sooner.
Hi, Sarah! I'm glad you took that step to find closure. I hope that his lack of response is because he feels some sort of shame for his actions. I know that people always say that these guys don't have remorse for their actions, but I think that it may only hold true for a few. I think most people's actions catch up to them sooner or later in life. I am sorry you are hurting and sad. He really doesn't deserve more of your thoughts, save them for someone else who does? Hang in there!
Wow, what an ass he is. Good job on getting closure for yourself. And don't worry about him responding...at least all of this happened now and not later on down the road when your feeling are even more invested in this jerk.
*hugs*
Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey, new reader here. Sorry you had to endure the "let me ignore the person indefinitely until h/she goes away" tactic. Guys who do that are beyond low.
Hey Sarah! I just stumbled upon your blog and I had an instant feeling of deja vu.
I just (or still am?) went through the same thing. Like pretty much word for word. And I, too, don't get it.
Why can't they just use their words? Clear, simple words?
I'm glad you wrote to him -- I know it still hurts now (esp. knowing he read it and didn't respond) -- but getting closure definitely helps you move on....
You are to damn nice!!!! My message would have read this....Look bastard piece of shit. Grow some damn balls and tell me that you don't want to talk to me. I'm a grown ass woman and i think i can handle a let down. Hope you have a great life and the next bitch does you just as dirty as you did me. Goodbye :p
~*Dyena*~
Post a Comment