I spent the weekend absorbed in all things Christmas. Shopping, wrapping, and watching movies. Yesterday I popped in one of my favorite Christmas movies, Love Actually, and soaked up all the warm goodness it gave me. As I was watching it for the second time (I just didn't want it to end), I realized the characters who are happiest at the end are the ones who made some grand gesture to show their love.
Hugh Grant realizes Natalie is more than just an employee and must immediately see her. He jumps in the car and drives to her street only to realize that he doesn't know her address. So he knocks on every door until he finds her. Love and happiness ensue.
Colin Firth realizes that he's in love with Aurelia (a woman who cannot understand a word he says) so he learns Portuguese, dumps his family and must immediately see her. He flies to another country, follows her father all over town to find her, and proposes to her in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Love and happiness ensue.
Even 11 year old Sam cannot contain his love for Joanna. Desperate to gain her attention, he learns the drums and dodges airport security to profess his love for her. Love and happiness ensue.
These three end up blissfully happy. Poor Alan Rickman and his wife are miserable, perhaps because he failed to see the significance a grand gesture would have on his life and his relationship.
And then I started thinking. Does this happen in real life? Are there men who make grand gestures? Or is this only a bit of Hollywood magic? Do these movies hurt me by thinking that if a man truly cares he will be willing to make this surprising display of true love? That if he loves me and I walk away, he will fight for me?
I guess none of this matters anyway since I don't seem to get to a second date with anyone lately.
14 comments:
Well I think it is a bit of Hollywood, but also I do believe a small percentage of men would fight for the woman they loved.
I can't tell you how much I love Love Actually. I've seen it twice in the last week. Hugh Grant totally makes it for me. With his spontaneous caroling and his dance sequence. (Although it took me like 5+ times watching that scene to appreciate it).
I don't know. I think some men like to be romantic and like their romantic gestures to be acknowledged. Now I see danger in dreaming about romanticism and in believing it happens. Having such expectations puts pressure on both parties and is a recipe for disappointment. I am speaking from experience.
Romantic will happen if you let it, but I do very strongly believe Hollywood movies did a lot of wrong to men in general by giving far too unrealistic expectations to women.
I think the movies have ruined it for us women...we sometimes expect romantic gestures from men that probably don't know how to pronounce the word.
I think that if a real man cares, he will do what he can to keep you. But those kind of men are rare. A dying breed, perhaps? :)
I think when it *really* happens...
It's more magical than anything could ever be in a movie.
Trust...
Merry Christmas!!!
I love the grand gestures when they're in good taste, but nothing's worse than a grand gesture when you want nothing to do with the person! (i.e. ex-boyfriend showing up at your house and stalking your blog because he refuses to accept you've moved on, lol) But I do love that movie. I think my favorite couple is Colin Firth and Aurelia. And that scene where Alan Rickman's wife is in the bedroom crying to Joni Mitchell because her husband is a douchebag makes me tear up every time. Poor girl...
P.S. Present for you over at my blog!
I love to believe that some guys do make wonderfully unreal gestures to women but I think that the guys are few. There aren't that many guys who would subject themselves to hummilation for a girl. I think that that is why the relationships work out in the end - the guys put the girls first and although they might look rididcoulous, they do it for who they love..
xxNYY
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Unfortunately, I think movies have made relationships more difficult. Men are taught in movies to make grand gestures, and women are taught to expect them. The problem is that "grand gestures" are always well received in movies, but NOT always so in real life.
Most guys are burned at least once in their lifetime after making a gesture of some sort. And, for most of them, they're hesitant to ever do it again. They're gun shy. This is problematic, of course, when a guy later crosses paths with a girl raised to believe guys who care make grand gestures of love.
All that said, a guy who loves a girl WILL show her. His method for showing her might not look like anything found in Love Actually, but it will be evident to a girl who's looking.
It's ok Kev. I think you were right. He just wasn't interested. And I can live with that. :)
Dude.LA isn't nearly as depressing as BJ, which this idiot felt she needed to see.
I've actually experienced a grand gesture of love. One man left behind everything and everyone he knew to marry me. It was one hell of a love story. But even that isn't enough sometimes to make something last. Still, it was amazing and not so fully recognized and appreciated at the time.
My boyfriend effed up pretty royally last week.
I explained to him what a grand gesture was...
we'll see if it ever happens in real life!
It only happens in the movies ;-)
Seriously Love Actually is such a pretty feel good movie :)
Grand gestures of love don't happen in real life in the same way. They happen, but they look different. One time I went on a trip and when I got back I found my boyfriend had been crossing off the days until I returned on his calendar. Another boyfriend made me a bagel on a particularly hung-over morning when I really needed one. Those are the gestures of love that really mean something.
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