I went out with another guy from eHarm last night. We've been talking on the site for a while and talked on the phone Sunday night. He asked me out for coffee and I accepted. He seemed like a nice, sincere, gentlemanly guy so I was happy to meet him.
Until I met him.
Not that he wasn't nice, because he was. I get to the coffee place about 1 minute after he did and he's already ordered his drink. And he doesn't even offer to buy mine. Why does this bother me so much? Do I think men should always pay for everything? No. Do I think the person who asked should at least pretend to offer to pay? Maybe. Do I think he's cheap? YES! My coffee was $1.87. Am I way off base here? Am I overreacting? Probably. I guess I should be happy he didn't wait until he saw me to make me pay for my own drink. At least now I know it wasn't because I'm so hideous he couldn't stand to look at me. He just lacks a few social graces.
Speaking of social graces... This guy was nervous. OK so that's not really a social grace, but he was so over the top nervous that his voice shook and his hands shook and he was doing that weird rapid blinking thing. He had moments where he would relax a bit after I asked him some questions that must have hit on things he has a genuine interest in. Although I had to completely carry the conversation. That is not a role I like to be forced into. I can't seem to come up with clever topics to discuss when I'm in a pressure situation like a first meeting.
Ugh. It was uncomfortable. His nervousness stressed me out.
When I was about 1/2 done with my coffee, he said he should probably go. Which was totally fine with me because he wasn't really saying much and I had run out of questions to ask him to try to engage him in conversation. As we were walking out to the car, the said "We should talk on the phone soon." HUH? I'm going to assume that means "Don't call me, I'll call you (no I won't)."
10 comments:
hm... have you ever considered dating more mature (as in much older) men? just a question... those youngsters seem so inexperienced and shy... and not able to appreciate you...
(to be completely honest, I never have, but I am not shy either)
I agree with A Fair Fairy...I don't think I've ever dated anyone younger than me, I always go for men 5-10 years older and I actually find I have a lot to talk about with them.
A few of these eHarmony guys I've been talking with through email and phone are around my age and for some reason I'm having trouble keeping good conversation with them - they don't seem to want to talk!
Sorry it wasn't a better experience for you.
I cannot believe the dude! Granted I feel bad that he was so nervous, but geesh! He should have at least told you that...and to leave when you weren't even done with your coffee? Poor dude seems like he's got some major issues. I wonder if he thought the night went well.
I'm biased, of course. I met Bebe on Eharmony... sorry your date was so bizarre! I hope you keep trying.
Hi there -
Gotta say, no matter how one feels about guys always paying for everything, it's pretty rude to order for yourself before your date even gets there. ;-)
Admittedly, I'm wired differently than many of my male colleagues, but let me see if I can get inside this dude's head...
Usually, I give people the benefit of the doubt when they are obviously nervous. Nervous people tend to do strange and silly things. On the other hand, I tend to think your true colors shine through in "pressure" situations. Because he was SO nervous, his default habits -- the ones that happen naturally -- should have taken over.
So, if we assume the former the guy should get a pass on every odd thing he did during the date. If we assume the latter, it means he is cheap (pony up the $1.87, guy!) and rude (who leaves before the girl has finished her coffee?!).
My hunch is it was a bit of both. His leaving before you had finished your coffee was likely a result of his feeling so nervous. However, the cheapness was all him. He's a tightwad.
Regarding his "we should talk on the phone soon" closing, personally, I wouldn't read too much into it. He's clearly socially awkward, so he probably feels more comfortable talking on the phone. What he said didn't mean "Don't call me, I'll call you (no I won't)" as much as it meant "I can be myself on the phone...we should do that until I feel more comfortable with you."
Does that mean you should give him another chance if he calls? Um, no. The boy is cheap and socially awkward!
Fairy: I never feel like I have much in common with men a lot older than me. But it might be worth a try.
Diana: Maybe eHarm is full of shy guys. Maybe it appeals to them because it's so anonymous at first.
Amber: I haven't heard from him so he probably thought the night was as much a success as I did. Although he has not yet closed me out (eHarm talk).
Gabrielle: I'm not giving up. I have 4 more guys I'm talking to. We'll see what happens, and of course I'll keep you all informed.
Angi: I totally agree! I'm so glad I didn't waste much time on him.
Kev: It's so great to hear a man's perspective. It's good to know that I was at least partial right about this guy. I should really review my profile. There must be something on there that is luring these strange men. Maybe it's just my picture. HA!
How long do you talk to these guys before you decide to meet them? Is it just a short period of time?
Oh my gosh. You don't order before your date gets there, you don't NOT offer to buy her a measley cup of coffee, and you don't leave before your date finishes said coffee! Yuck! His nervousness sounds so extreme, too -- more pathological than just basic shyness. Had the guy never been on a date before? You deserve better!
You were correct to pick up on the red flags right away. It was rude for him to order without you and incosiderate not to offer to pay for your coffee. Who knows about the nerves. Good decision to throw that one back into the gene pool.
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