Go might not be the right word. Let me explain.
eHarm has recently matched me with a lot of men who are more than an hour away from me. I have conflicting feelings about this. On the one hand, this is great because it means that there are men out there who fit what eHarm considers to be my particular brand of weird. It's always nice to think that some pseudo-scientific electronic matchmaker thinks that there might be someone out there for me. On the other hand, do I really want to invest the time and energy in someone who lives so far away? I know that physical distance isn't something that can't be overcome (Thanks Mr. Ford for inventing faster transportation), but really, isn't there anyone in this zip code who won't be instantly repulsed by me? And let's just suspend reality for a second here. Suppose this man is perfect for me and we fall deeply in love. One of us is going to have to move.
Eh. It just seems like so much work.
But things on the eHarm front have been really quiet the past couple of weeks so I decided to interact with someone I would normally "close out" (eHarm lingo for reject) simply because he lives too far away. I figured we wouldn't even make it to the email stage so what did I have to lose? Hmm. He seems nice, not a stalker, has a job, might not live with his mom. Crap. He makes it to round 2. We email. He sounds like he has a sense of humor and reasonable intellect. Crap. He makes it to round 3. Round 3 is talking on the phone and I'm really not all that excited about talking to him. Why? He lives almost 2 hours away. Ugh. So finally we talk on the phone. And he's delightful. I had a great time talking to him. TRIPLE CRAP! What do I do? I've already invested time and energy here. And so has he. I guess at this point I see this thing through, but in the future, I really need to have a mile limit.
So how far away would you let eHarm look?
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Except for the fact that at the time when I was browsing for my future soul mate online Eharmony refused me just flatly by telling me I HAD NO MATCH ON PLANET EARTH so they didn't want my membership (thankyouverymuch) I had set my mile limit to 50 miles but in reality I was thinking 30 and I ended up finding my J. living less than 5 miles from me (met him on myspace haha - take that Eharm!).
I don't so much believe in the notion of investing time and energy, as if there was a risk of WASTING time and energy in people we meet... because I think every person we meet enriches our experience and our life... however it's true that time is limited and that we do have to choose sometimes.
Make the best of the experiences you have, I guess that's all I can say. If that person was nice then maybe you can look at his attributes and maybe this will help you understand better what you are looking for or what you like. We don't always know so well... until we meet the right person.
I stayed within 40 miles. The girl that I am with right now, thanks to an online site, is 39 miles away. So, beware the radius.
Hmmm... 45 minutes? I dunno, I guess it would depend on how interesting he sounded.
And by interesting he sounded, I of course mean, how cute he looked. And how funny he was.
I was thinking of expanding my search area to all over the world. I've always wanted to travel and if I met someone that was worth moving for, I'd probably do it.
Although, my friend gets matched with people about an hour away and the few she's gotten involved with, she's hated the distance. It takes up so much of her time when she could be doing other stuff. She finds it a hassle and now doesn't even talk to anyone far enough away.
When the right chemistry exists, no distance will be too far. I married a man halfway around the world, lived with another in Scotland, and finally moved from MA to NJ for my last love. I just can't imagine restricting my chance to find love on a zipcode restriction. Having said that, long-distance relationships are a unique beast, requiring a lot of communication and effort from both parties. But in the end, don't you believe...if it is meant to be it will be?
I'm excited to hear that you are looking in surrounding areas! I don't even think you need to set a distance limit. If it's meant to be it's meant to be. Plus, moving might not be such a bad thing...if the dude has a HUGE house and can afford for you to be a stay at home girlfriend! It's all in thinking about the positive.
LOL - love this one. Bebe and I started out the same way!!! He ended up renting a hotel room for himself so that I wouldn't feel scared or pressured by having him stay with me and our first date was an entire weekend together. We didn't actually meet in person for almost 3 months, just the E site and phone calls...when we met, it was so natural and we felt like we had been friends forever. He ended up driving from Oregon to Washington, 2 hrs almost weekly for weekend dates for 1 1/2 years. I'm glad I gave the long distance guy a chance! Good luck!
PS - ummm did you remove me from your followers? I hope not. :-( I was sad to see me gone! I added myself again, hope that's OK with you!
Gabrielle: LOVE your story!!! yeah!
I disagree--I would only search in my immediate vicinity. I guess I'm lazy. And I think that (unless you're living in a very rural place) there's always the possibility of chemistry with someone you live nearby. I would do a long distance thing if it were necessary to maintain a relationship with the man I love, but I would never LOOK for one. But that's just me.
Sounds like sometimes a distance thing can be worth it. If I'm willing. I guess I am. I'm still talking to him. We'll see what happens.
And Gabrielle: I would never remove you! I'm glad you're back!
Yay, glad to see you updated! :-)
I'm of the opinion distance shouldn't matter when it comes to "the one." The one might live down the street from you or on the other side of the country. If you limit yourself, you might miss out.
It's on a grander scale, but this is sort of like high school. Do you date the best available person who just happens to have a locker close to yours (or who sits next to you in homeroom), or do you date the best available person in the entire school?
I had a friend who I'm convinced only dated his girlfriend during junior year because their lockers were next to each other.
Sarah, thanks so much for stopping by I am glad you enjoy the hijinks of my spoiled ass brat dog!
I have zero experience dating, I married my high school sweetheart, LOL!
Good luck!
That is exciting! I too have had that dilemna before when I did Match.com. You hate to put restrictions on the distance but at the same time you know it's going to take a lot of effort. I say go for it! :)
My coworker has an awesome eharm story. He lives in caifornia and he found this girl in alaska through eharm. At first he thought no way is this going anywhere-next thing you know they're moving in together, she loves it here and they are incredibly in love. So I say expand your limits-who knows? You could just find your alaskan prince waiting ;-)
Um, this is exactly how Eric and I ended up married. And of course, I had to move. Don't buy a house anytime soon-you'll just end up with a rental property in California you have to claim taxes on and the taxes think you make money off of it when really you're in the negative by at least a thousand dollars! Don't get me wrong though, it was worth it.
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