It seems like I'm always the one who is sitting around waiting for a call. I'm waiting to find out if he's interested. Somehow I seem to forget to analyze myself and figure out if I'm interested. Part of me thinks that as long as he's a good person with a good heart I can enjoy his company and will want to spend time with him. I really don't think too much about chemistry, maybe because I'm too busy being nervous and neurotic. That may have changed.Last night I had a first phone conversation with a guy from eHarm. We've been answering each other's questions and emailing for a few days and I gave up my number more quickly than I used to.
He seemed like a nice guy. A little slow perhaps, but nice. I didn't really feel a connection (although how much connection did I think I would feel after 5 minutes of phone), but was willing to give him a chance.
Until he argued with me about my astrological sign. My birthday is 2/20 and everything I have ever read tells me that I'm a Pisces. Not that I really pay all that much attention to it, except to read my horoscope every once in a while and hope that it says something about winning a massive amount of cash. Sadly it never says that.
I had told him earlier that my birthday was last Friday and he says "oh so you're a Capricorn." I gently tried to tell him that I didn't think I was, and he insisted he was correct because he'd Googled it.
#1 How did Google let him down so badly?
#2 Why was he Googling my sign at all?
He then proceeds to tell me that he checked and "we" (there is no we) would agree on a lot of things and eventually I'd do something zany. Yes, zany. I'm not zany. I quickly and politely got off the phone and realized that even though he seemed like basically a nice guy, I'm not interested.
This leads me to my dilemma. How do I let this guy know that I'm not interested without being mean? I'm not usually on this side of the situation. I know I prefer someone to at least give me a heads up that they aren't ever going to call me again, but how do you do? How have I never considered that before?
16 comments:
Well for one thing...you know you aren't going to tell him you just got hit by a car, or found out you are a mom. Just be honest with the dude, and tell him you didn't fell like you clicked.
Haha...I second Amber.
Just tell him - nicely and briefly - that you appreciate the phone call, but didn't feel a spark, and good luck with his future. ;-)
You could tell him that you Googled your astrological signs and it said you two weren't a match. :D
LOL Diana's response is brilliant.
Tell him you "just don't think you're zany enough for him".
PLEASE.
Also, post his response here so we can all enjoy.
Amber: You don't think he'd believe I just found out I'm a Mom? Darn it!
Angi: Can I do this over email? We only had 1 15 minute phone convo.
Diana: PERFECT!
Carolina Girl: I quite agree!
LiLu: You got it!
Dude. You're lucky day is SO not Friday! He's totally right. You're just not a Pieces. Give up the dream my friend.
Yes be as honest as you can. Do it for yourself.
Saying "I actually don't think we are such a good match" is very acceptable.
You've got the answers covered above. I just wanted to say he's got some nerve telling you your sign is wrong. I'd be like "buddy, here's YOUR sign that you just lost any chance of meeting me."
Yes, I think email is appropriate considering you've only had one short phone conversation. If you'd had 10 phone conversations, it might be different, but in this case...yeah. I'd go with email either way.
Everyone above covered it perfectly. Just be honest, tell him you didn't feel a connection, and wish him well. Guys are awful with rejection, but it beats the heck of being led on by someone who isn't interested. And yes, Ang is right. E-mailing him the "bad news" is a-okay.
Prepare for him to respond, though. If he's the type to argue/disagree with you over YOUR sign, he's likely the type who will argue with your claim there was no connection. Just a head's up.
Diana's response IS brilliant! Ha!! :)
I'm weird this way, but I actually preferred it if a guy I'd only talked to once or twice just disappeared, rather than reject me. Then part of me could pretend he'd fallen into a coma or moved to Zimbabwe or something, whereas if he spelled it out I would have no choice but to feel rejected.
But like I said, I'm weird that way. ;O
I think, just be honest to him. Good luck!
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Looking for a way to contact you...leave me your email on my comments? I screen so it won't post automatically. I'll just delete the comment and email you with an answer to your question, if you really want to know my thoughts!
It's not being mean to be honest with someone. It's all in HOW you say it, if it's mean or not. The tone of your voice, your attitude, your approach when you present the issue. Next time he calls - and I won't be waiting by the phone for it - just be honest and tell him that you are not interested. Who knows, he may be having the same problem you are - not wanting to sound mean - but he may not be interested either.
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