I will be the first to admit that I am completely out of my element when it comes to dating. I have no idea what is expected and what the rules are.
But I'm learning. I think.
I've been on eHarmony for almost 6 months and in that time I've met more men than I had in the 15 years prior combined (is this progress?). I've learned some things along the way.
#1 Men are people too. Although the initial meeting after emailing and talking on the phone is always uncomfortable for me (and probably them too), I now understand that these men should hold no terror for me. They are just trying to meet someone and see if there is a connection. It does me no good to be silent and too nervous to function.
#2 Waiting for a guy to call will virtually ensure that he won't. Oh how much time I've wasted waiting for that phone to ring! And if he says he's going to call and he doesn't, that tells me all I need to know.
#3 Always insist on the phone call before meeting. A voice and brief conversation can tell you a lot about a person. I've talked to mumblers, slurrers, cat men. I've also had entire conversations exclusively about tire recycling and beer making. If he doesn't ask about me, he either doesn't know how to communicate, he's narcissistic, or he just doesn't care to know about me.
#4 Men like to meet for coffee. Every guy I've met has wanted to get coffee (with the exception of the last guy, but we know how great that turned out). Coffee is a nice way to check someone out and get a quick feel (ha!) for who they are in person. It's fast, non-threatening, and easy to make a quick escape if need be.
These things have been fairly universal for everyone I've met. Now I've met someone who wants to meet for dinner and a movie. Seriously? We've only been talking on the phone for a week. Is that too soon for that lengthy of a "date"? Should I insist on coffee? What if we stand there face to face for the first time and don't like each other? Now we are stuck being polite for 3 hours. At least the movie will absorb some of the awkwardness.
10 comments:
Hmmm. Personally, I don't think I'd want to go on that long of a date without actually meeting someone first...
Soooo if it was ME, I'd suggest meeting for coffee soon. Then, if that goes well, before you leave you can say, "Give me a call about that dinner and a movie date." And if it doesn't go well, you can say, "See ya sucker."
Not literally, but you know. ;)
I think you should go. One thing I have learned is that if you find a man that likes to make an actual "plan" you should take him up on it, because that is rare. Plus, if you don't like him there is no talking involved in seeing a movie, so really it is just dinner with someone new.
I agree with your observations. However, I was discussing #3 with a male friend (coincidentally a few weeks ago) and he had a completely different take. His take was that if the man has gone to the effort of contacting you on match (eh, whatever) then he is defacto interested and now is just focused on getting you interested in him, thus trying to woo you with his stories of beer making or what have you. This may not be a successful tactic, but it does shed light on why they may not ask you questions. It isn't necessarily because they aren't interested in you, it may be bc they are already interested and just nervous and possibly have bad phone skills. Just my male friends opinion but it did give me something to think about.
Angi: I think it might be too late to switch it to coffee now. He's been talking about this for days. I should have said something long ago. Although at first it was just a movie. He added the dinner part 2 days ago. Maybe by Saturday it will be dinner, movie, and trip to Paris.
Sarah: Even though I'm locked into this dinner & movie thing, I think you are right. I'm not a decisive person at all and if he's willing to make plans and make decisions, I need to go with it. And I can see how your friend could be on the right track. It's possible that the beer making lecture was meant to show me how interesting he is. Also, Love how you spell your name correctly!!
I'm glad you've agreed to go with him. Just think...if it doesn't work out you can always add a number 5 to your list.
I would just go and hope for the best. If it's awful, then it's just a few hours. Hopefully it'll be a great date! We'll be waiting with our fingers crossed! :)
Hey! It's free dinner and a movie, and if he sucks, text me and I'll crash the movie and it will be hillarious.
well I think he is an old fashioned guy for suggesting this, which is cool in my book...he is taking a chance! that says a lot! waiting to hear about it!
One of my friends always tells me that you should never do dinner on a first meeting. He always says 'keep it short and simple'. But then again, he's met over 1000 women from these dating sites and nothing has ever worked out. So maybe his advice isn't the best.
I don't mind going on a 'long date' with someone, because I think I'm going to have fun no matter what. Even if this guy is a total tool, go out and have fun, and just think of it as a nice (hopefully free) night out, and not as a date. Good luck! :)
Although I see the downside to having a long date on your initial meeting, I think you should go for it.
I could probably write a book about his possible motives for doing so, but a guy willing to skip the coffee thing altogether and take you to dinner and a movie is -- if nothing else -- unique. Everyone does the coffee thing. So, he's either trying to be different or he IS different.
Either way, that could be a good thing. You'll just to find out on the date. :)
I think the first meeting should definitely be held to just coffee or a drink. You can always "decide" to get dinner afterwards if you'd like, but don't commit to four hours with someone when you don't even know if you'll enjoy their company in real life! No way.
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