I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to go out with him. I knew it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable and I would think of a million reasons to cancel before I actually walked in the door. But I also knew I needed to do this. Why am I wasting money on this service (eHarm) if I'm not going to give it and the people on there a chance?
He called me the night before and asked if we could meet a little earlier. His class would be getting out sooner and he wanted to up our meet time by a few hours. OK sure, no problem.
I struggled with myself for hours the day of meeting. Before I could stop myself, I would think of reasons to cancel on him. Some were plausible (I'm not feeling well, my car won't start, I have to work) and some more ridiculous (I just broke my arm, my car was stolen, I have to leave the country). Some made me laugh out loud (I just found out I had a child). Yes I'm insane. I've never denied that.
So I took a deep breath, tried to calm my raging anxiety, and drove to the meeting point. Of course I arrived early. I always arrive early. I hate being late and if I'm not positive how long traffic will take or if I don't know exactly where the place is, I always leave even earlier.
We were meeting at at local sandwich place for a late lunch before the movie. I walked in and he was sitting at a table playing some little hand held game. (What's a PSP?) We said hello, exchanged pleasantries and looked at the menu. We walked up and ordered our sandwiches and now it's time to pay. This whole "paying for stuff" thing is so awkward. Do I just keep my mouth shut and let him pay? Do I offer? How do I offer without seeming insincere and yet without being too pushy? I have no idea how to handle this situation. So I just paid for my own. He didn't really offer, so I think I read the situation correctly. Who knows!
We sat down and ate and talked. He was easy to talk to, interesting, and intelligent. The conversation seemed to flow well. After about an hour, he mentioned that he was tired and that the movie was almost 3 hours and he didn't think he could stay awake and maybe we could try it next weekend. I said that was fine and assumed he was doing what all guys do. At least what all guys seem to do to me. NEVER CALL AGAIN. Yes I'm cursed. Insane and cursed. I think it has a nice ring to it.
So we parted ways (no physical contact of any kind), he said he'd call me this week, and I knew I would never hear from him again. I went home, pleased with myself for actually going through with it. I faced my fears, tried to connect with another person, had interesting conversation, and I SURVIVED!!! That's a win in my book (although I admit my standards are in the basement).
And that is how dinner & a movie became lunch and nothing else.
P.S. Less than 24 hours later I got a text from him. Just friendly and casual. We'll see.
OH! He likes to pay with $2 bills.
17 comments:
I'm so proud of you for not backing out and giving him a lame excuse!
Shouldn't the guy always pay if he asks you out? Maybe I am old school.
His backing out of the movie was totally lame!! At least there is a small chance that he was being truthful, although I'm sure he could have told you that BEFORE you met.
Keep us posted!
that is so strange... he sounded so old school asking you to a dinner and a movie... and now it ends up being a sandwich and that's it?
You know, if anxiety is a problem for you, why don't YOU suggest places to meet? I find that controlling part of the deal helps me a lot.
Now as far as the paying does, I care and I don't. I think that it's not really fair to assume the man should always pay. It's an egalitarian society after all.
Im proud of you for going! And I'm kind've old fashioned. I think the guy should pay - if nothing else just as a nice gesture. And plus, it's always a good way to start off the date. Good for you and sounds like a pretty good date, regardless =)
Woohoo! I'm glad you went! Maybe things will just get easier for the next time you go out with someone.
I would have totally given a lame excuse if I didn't want to go out. I blew a guy off for three weeks with bad excuses and then finally went out with him cause he waited that long! And now we've seen each other almost every day for two weeks now. :)
Glad you went!
Bad form on the guy's part, though. He should have paid. He asked you out, he should pay. ;-)
Good for you for going! Just roll with the punches and see where it takes you. Listen to your gut :)
Wow girl! *hugs* Listen, the paying thing is really up to YOU...what you expect. IF you expect him to pay, order first and step aside. IF he doesn't intend to pay, you'll know. I agree he should make it clear, but some men are clueless (to be fair, they could also be nervous). Also, I think a movie is a lousy first date. And I think these days, people only want to invest in a quick hello at first when it is meeting via online. The longer "date" ends up being the 2nd get together. The trend here seems to be meeting for coffee and see where it goes. That keeps expectations and anxiety low on purpose. But I know, you've had let's meet for coffee only meetings too. In the end, I think there is a lot of this that you can control, if you want to. That will minimize some anxiety. I know it is getting hard to do (I am preaching to myself here) but try try try to take a man at his word. At least while you're still in his presence. If he says let's do it another time or he'll call, try to allow yourself to believe that. I believe "what you think about, you bring about." So let's start thinking we're absolutely fabulous! Deal? ;)
Amber: I'll definitely keep you posted!
LOE: Anxiety is a problem and I think having more control over the situation would help ease some of that. Thanks!!
Carolina Girl: I'm kinda old fashioned too. He could have at least offered.
Diana: I keep going out with these guys just hoping I'll find what you have (sooooo much better than Smooth Talker!!)
Kev: I knew I liked you!
Stephanie: I'm trying to roll with the punches and listen to my gut. Sometimes my gut is confusing :)
True Heart: Coffee first from here on out for me. So much less pressure. And I'm going to try to lose some of the jaded negativity that I seem to have picked up along the way. I'm going to go back to trusting what people say. If he says he'll call, then I'll assume he will (but I won't be destroyed if he doesn't!).
I'm glad you gave him a chance!
You know, I almost cancelled on my first date with B...
Hi,
New here.:) Good that you gave this guy a shot, even though he was kinda rude in leaving so early. Best of luck!
I know what you mean about what to do about the check -- it's almost always so awkward! I think he should've treated you, especially since all you got was a sandwich -- it's not like you went to the Four Seasons or anything. But he sounds good otherwise -- he was probably just overambitious in scheduling the movie.
Funny, I won some $2 bills in the Superbowl footbal pool this year and couldn't remember the last time I'd seen one! Are they valuable (i.e., worth more than $2?)
hey! my first time here ^^ i like your posts! or rather i like to read about your love life and nod vigorously in agreement at sarcastic remarks regarding men xD
I know you don't know me and my opinion doesn't mean anything but I have to give my 2 cents anyways.
I don't know how I feel about him not paying for your lunch. That would have bothered me. But if I liked him and he wanted to go out again I would maybe give him another chance.
Good Luck with EHarm!
Hey, first time reader, but you definitely know how to tell a story. I think I like this blog (even if it's dripping in girlishness). Good luck on your dating adventures.
Thanks for the birthday wishes, girl! Can't wait to hear the next update!
Ok. Here's my totally unsolicited opinion...I can deal with each paying for our own. (You don't "owe" him anything if you pay for your own...but it does look a little shallow for him not to swoop in and pay.) That said, HERE is my issue:
The guy paid with $2 bills? Girl, he didn't want to go to the movie because he couldn't afford it. If he was paying with $2 bills, he was obviously robbing his piggy bank (or his mother's change jar) to go to lunch.
Then, I suppose that's better than him limping in to said meeting place before throwing ten pounds of change on the counter. The limp would be gone, sure...but talk about awkward!
Hang in there...You are braver than I!
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