I've just noticed an alarming detail on my journey with eHarm which both concerns and perplexes me. Although I've met many men on this site, I've only met about 8 in person. Of those 8, 4 admitted to living with one or both of their parents? That's half! Am I out of touch with the world these days? Is it too much to ask that a single man in his 30's have his own residence? I'm not suggesting that a man has to own an opulent mansion with a pool and a gardener, but a 1 bedroom apartment would be nice.
I know what you're thinking. "But maybe there are other circumstances. Maybe he's taking care of his sick Mother, or maybe he lost his job."
Yeah you've succeeded in making me feel guilty because who has the right to judge someone's living situation while they are taking care of their ailing parent? But really, if he's taking care of his Mom, does he have time to meet new people and start a relationship? And if he lost his job, shouldn't he be out looking for another job and not trolling the Internet for chicks? Plus he should probably save the monthly fee and use it to buy food.
So my question is, do I remain understanding and give them the benefit of the doubt? Do I try to understand their situation and wait to judge them? Or do I realize that something in my profile is now attracting homeless men? Maybe I should stop advertising the fact that I have an extra bedroom.
8 comments:
what do you mean "my profile is now attracting homeless men"? Are you only waiting for them to contact you?
If that's the case, seems to me that this is leaving a lot of chance to... well... chance. I personally don't trust chance too much. I like to help chance a little. Especially busy men with a life, a job, and a lot of options, they for sure will need a little help to notice you. So hey... wave hi will you?
Well actually it's more like who I am as a person is compatible with homeless men since that's who eHarm is matching me with using their highly sophisticated, scientific and secret matching computer. Sadly these men have already been filtered through my very rigorous screening process as well.
I experienced this phenom as well. It was alarming the number of guys who were actually "living back at home since Mom or Dad died." I didn't know what to think either. I ended up not ruling out MEETING someone because of it, but I certainly inquired about their situation more once I had met them face to face. I am quite lucky and pleased Mr Listener does not live with parents, although finances are such that he is looking to rent out his extra room. :-/ Got to weigh the whole package against the bits within.
"Maybe I should stop advertising the fact that I have an extra bedroom."
Ha! :) I have such mixed feelings about this issue! For a year and a half, I dated a 37-year-old guy (met him at a friend's party) who had always lived with his parents (except for the four years he went away to college). It turned out that was one symptom of his many psychological issues. He couldn't sustain a serious relationship, and I finally had to come to my senses and end things.
So when I met the guy I'm currently dating (on Match.com) and found out HE had always lived with his parents, I ruled him out immediately. I wasn't going through that grief again! So for two years we were just friends, until I finally realized I liked him back, and we started dating four months ago. So, I realized it's probably good to decide on a case-by-case basis, esp. here in the NYC area or other areas where housing costs are higher than average.
On the down side, still living with your parents in your 30s or 40s can mean something is really psychologically (or financially) wrong with you.
On the up side, it's refreshing to meet people who get along with their parents well enough to actually live with them. :)
That is weird, but I think definitely statistically more common among men on e-dating sites, which could explain some of it...
If only there was a box to check for "does not live with mom"! Btw, that "taking care of ailing parent" thing is BS 99% of the time. Just sayin.
Yikes, I agree. That's a weird situation. I mean you don't want to judge them, but on the other hand I really would prefer a man over the age of 30 to have his own residence. Unless there are extraordinary circumstances. Otherwise, it's kind've a turn-off. (Just being honest)
"Maybe I should stop advertising the fact that I have an extra bedroom."Haha. That is a very good idea!
I believe for us girls who are in our 30's - if the guy doesn't own a home - at least he should be living on his own -, they should also have a car, a job, teeth and maybe a dog or puppy just for kicks. Living with mama? I am not sure I trust that.
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