Tips for using eHarmony

My good blog/twitter friend Ronda just signed up for my beloved eHarm. I'm so excited for her and at the same time I feel I have so much wisdom to share. I started to write my tips down as a comment to her, and decided to finish them up here for all to enjoy.

So without further ado, I give you my Incredibly Useful and Truthful Tips for Navigating the Waters of eHarmony. Or UITTNWE for short.

Tip #1: Don't be afraid to close someone out for any reason. Just because you are matched doesn't mean he isn't weird. And let's be honest, we're all little weird, but some styles of weird aren't compatible.

Tip #2: If they don't have a picture, they are probably married...or cheap. Either way just close him. You can give him a couple days to put up a picture, but it rarely happens.

Tip #3: If they don't respond to communication they probably haven't paid for the service. That means you either wait for a free weekend and hope they communicate with every match they have or you just close them. Cheap bastards!

Tip #4: Have multiple cute pictures of yourself (all your pictures are cute, duh!) doing different things. Show them how amazing you are.

Tip #5: Trust that they do look as dorky in person as they do in their pictures. Seriously. Trust me on this one.

Tip #6: Don't assume your matches are men. Sometimes eHarm gets funky.

Tip #7: If he has a picture with someone cropped out, it's probably not his Mom.

Tip #8: Don't wait for your matches to communicate with you. I'd say roughly 80% never respond (see Tip #3) and they can clog up your match list. Plus you are taking control of things here. You are in the driver's seat so steer your way to love (men love car metaphors!).

Tip #9: It's OK to close someone at later stages in communication. Remember, this is all about you. Don't worry about his feelings yet. Right now he's only words on a screen.

Tip #10: Carefully review his list of Must haves/Can't stands. If he lists "Unassuming: I must have someone who is able to accept criticism, and even admit to being wrong sometimes" that means he has to be right. Always. This also works for "Denial: I can't stand someone who is unable to accept blame or see fault in their own actions."

Tip #11: Be sure to notice what he has listed for his occupation. If that box is blank, you might have a problem. If he can pay for eHarm, he should really have job.

Tip #12: Don't be discouraged when someone closes you. He just did you a favor. Forget it and move on.

Tip #13: Ice breakers. Don't bother. These are free so they are only used by people who haven't paid for this service and thus they can only communicate this way. Again, you will either have to wait for a free weekend to communicate with them or just ditch them right away. Your call.

Tip #14: On every profile, they say they want honesty. (Isn't that a given?) That makes me think most men feel they have been lied to. Give him what he wants and be honest. With him and yourself.

Tip #15: Treat every match like the first match. After a while, it gets tedious to answer the same questions with the same answers. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked " What are you looking for in a relationship partner?" Sometimes I give a nice long explanation, other times I just want to write "um...stuff" just to be done with it. You can copy and paste your answers (if you remember who asked you) or just be honest and fully commit to that person for that 2 minutes to write something heartfelt. At least I hope he's doing that when he answers my questions.

Tip #16: Once you decide to communicate with him outside of eHarm, go ahead and close him out (use the excuse "we're communicating outside of eHarm"). Trust me on this one. If things go sour, there's no awkward closing later.

Tip #17: Along the lines of Tip #14, pay close attention to what he says. If he's inconsistent with his stories, watch out. There are professional players out there.

Tip #18: Insist on talking on the phone before meeting. You can learn a lot about someone by how they conduct themselves on the phone. This is invaluable.

Tip #19: Go ahead and give him a chance. Meet somewhere public and make the time short (no more than an hour). Treat it like an interview and get the answers to what you want to know.

Tip #20: Be patient. Weeding through the weirdos takes time. But you may just find someone worth the effort. Give it a chance and go with gusto.

Bonus tip: Filling out the personality profile thingy make you feel like you've just accomplished something major, like completing a dissertation. That's right folks, I have a PhD in myself.