The Roles are Reversed

It seems like I'm always the one who is sitting around waiting for a call. I'm waiting to find out if he's interested. Somehow I seem to forget to analyze myself and figure out if I'm interested. Part of me thinks that as long as he's a good person with a good heart I can enjoy his company and will want to spend time with him. I really don't think too much about chemistry, maybe because I'm too busy being nervous and neurotic. That may have changed.

Last night I had a first phone conversation with a guy from eHarm. We've been answering each other's questions and emailing for a few days and I gave up my number more quickly than I used to.

He seemed like a nice guy. A little slow perhaps, but nice. I didn't really feel a connection (although how much connection did I think I would feel after 5 minutes of phone), but was willing to give him a chance.

Until he argued with me about my astrological sign. My birthday is 2/20 and everything I have ever read tells me that I'm a Pisces. Not that I really pay all that much attention to it, except to read my horoscope every once in a while and hope that it says something about winning a massive amount of cash. Sadly it never says that.

I had told him earlier that my birthday was last Friday and he says "oh so you're a Capricorn." I gently tried to tell him that I didn't think I was, and he insisted he was correct because he'd Googled it.

#1 How did Google let him down so badly?

#2 Why was he Googling my sign at all?

He then proceeds to tell me that he checked and "we" (there is no we) would agree on a lot of things and eventually I'd do something zany. Yes, zany. I'm not zany. I quickly and politely got off the phone and realized that even though he seemed like basically a nice guy, I'm not interested.

This leads me to my dilemma. How do I let this guy know that I'm not interested without being mean? I'm not usually on this side of the situation. I know I prefer someone to at least give me a heads up that they aren't ever going to call me again, but how do you do? How have I never considered that before?

Double Whammy!

I'm sitting here, at work, minding my own business. I'm entering data into a database and right now I'm knee-deep in names and addresses. Not fun.

Until I stumbled across one of the best names in the world.

Dick Hancock.

I'm still giggling.

Thank's for a great laugh, Dick. HA! It's comedy gold. Or I'm a 14 year old boy.

He's a liar

Should I feel flattered that he cared enough to fabricate a ridiculous lie or should I be insulted that he didn't care enough to make the lie believable?

I received a call last night from New eHarm Guy. It was the call I didn't think I would get. Let's face it, I'm used to guys just never talking to me again without any warning. And it hurts a little less each time. I knew this guy was going to follow the same standard male pattern so I was surprised when he actually called me.

After exchanging brief pleasantries, he launched into his story. He told me how he received papers in the mail that day telling him he had a son. When I didn't hang up the phone, he continued on to reveal his carefully thought out dumping story. He said that "they" (whoever that is) had investigated all his finances without his knowledge, started garnishing his wages and are taking 1/2 his pay. He also said that "they" checked his DNA from a 10 year old DUI and confirmed he's the father.

At this point I started laughing. I knew exactly where this was going.

He said that he didn't think it was fair to me to be in a relationship with him with all this going on. And that he still wanted to be friends and would call me every once in a while to see how I'm doing.

I giggled an OK. I told him that I understood, "I get it," and that he had to do what he needed to do.

He sounded relieved and said that he pictured our conversation going differently. I told him that I'm an adult and I understand exactly what's going on. I also said that I prefer others behave as adults and with honesty. He agreed (apparently he didn't catch my sarcasm) and said he'd call me.

That should have been the end of it. But I seem to be incapable of telling someone how I really feel if that might lead to conflict. So after about 15 minutes I sent him the following text.
The elaborate story was unnecessary. I already knew you were out.

You see, I can live with him thinking I'm unlovable, unattractive, boring, or pathetic. What I cannot live with is him thinking that I bought his story. I just had to let him know that I saw through the bullshit.

He wasn't happy with my text. And I don't really care. I won't be responding to him and we can both go our separate ways knowing that we both have the full story.

So back to my original question. Should it make me feel a little better that at least he tried to spare my feelings in his own lame and overly detailed way? And did he really think that story was believable? Maybe he just thought I was so stupid I wouldn't know the difference.

I am Wonder Woman

I have a superpower. It sucks. My superpower seems to be making sure guys I meet in person don't call me. In an effort to hone my skill, I'm coming up with a list of extra things I can do to be sure he doesn't call.

Things I can do when we meet to ensure he never calls me again:

1. Wear my pajamas and fuzzy pink slippers.
2. Never say a word.
3. Or talk non-stop. Especially if I only talk about myself.
4. Mention marriage and babies every 2.4 minutes.
5. Order the most expensive thing on the menu and then don't eat it.
6. Go to the bathroom more than 3 times in one hour.
7. Take pictures of him with my cell phone and send them to my friends...while I'm still at the table.
8. Wear clown makeup.
   
9. Wear a blue tooth thingy and let my friends listen in on the entire date.
10. Listen to my iPod the whole time.

I'm sure there are an infinite number of other ways to perfect my superpower. With time I will master them all.

Is it over already?

For the past 3+ weeks I've been talking to New eHarm Guy. We send maybe 5 or 6 texts throughout the day and talk on the phone 2 or 3 times. The conversations are usually less than 30 minutes and some are only 5 minutes. While I was away for work, he would call me every night before dinner and after dinner to see how my day was and tell me about his. There is no nervousness, no questions, everything is lovely.

At least it was.

Last Saturday, after almost a month of communicating, we finally met. We had lunch and it wasn't awkward at all and I wasn't nervous. We had good conversation and he seemed like the same nice guy I had gotten to know.

But now things have changed.

I didn't hear from him later that day, so I called him Saturday evening and he didn't answer. Oh well, whatever. Maybe he was busy. Although he's always taken my calls before, maybe he was in the middle of something. It's possible. He'll probably call me Sunday morning, I thought.

He didn't.

Just when I was concluding that he was definitely not interested anymore, he did finally call later Sunday afternoon. And we talked for exactly 5 minutes and 38 seconds. It seemed like things were the same as they had been before, but I just have this feeling that they aren't. And maybe they really aren't the same. Maybe he's just trying to be a nice guy and not completely ignore me. Maybe things are the same and my old insecurities and hurts are clouding my vision.

He said he would call me later Sunday night.

He didn't.

He did send me a text saying good night. It's not the same.

As I write this I realize I sound completely paranoid and that I'm overreacting. I just can't shake this feeling.

It shouldn't take long to figure out what his intentions are.