Free Weekends Are Evil

These are tough economic times. I get that. People are being more careful with their expenditures. I totally get that. I myself am enduring a 20% pay cut, which I hope is only temporary.

And I understand that not everyone has the financing to be able to pay to meet people online. eHarmony isn't cheap, but there are free sites out there. If you don't want to pay the money for it, that's just fine. There are plenty of other places to meet people. I chose eHarm because I thought it would attract more people who are serious about meeting someone and less people who are just interested in hooking up. And I'm paying actual money to meet these people (wait that almost sounds like prostitution!).

Here's what annoys me: Men who only communicate during the free weekends. I get it, you're broke. Or maybe just cheap. Either way, if I send you a question to answer, I would prefer an actual answer and not some cryptic jumble of letters and codes that are probably some lame attempt to disguise the fact that you are giving your email address. If you are really interested in me, give me a response to my question first.

Here's an actual set of questions and responses from this weekend.

1. What do you most like to do on a day off?
I'm getting in late so I don't have time to answer your questions...

2. What do you find physically attractive?
...It would be pointless anyway since I'm not a member on this site and can only communicate within it during the free weekends...

3. How do you act when you're angry?
...If you'd like to continue getting to know me, write to me at XXXXXX@ymail.com. Please include a recent picture since they don't allow non-members to view them here.

Hmm. Well it would be pointless for me to respond to this guy because I'm not interested in getting to know him better. If he can't even pretend to be interested in me, then I won't bother responding to him. He put in the least amount of effort and I will be following his lead.

And his little bit about including a recent picture? Are you effing kidding me? Why does eHarmony hate me so much?

It really was nothing else

When we were at our "lunch and nothing else" we had talked about going to see a movie the following Saturday. He said he'd call me and we would set up the plans.

I didn't really think he would call. And he didn't. That Friday, he sent me a text message. Hiya. That's it. Really? Don't strain yourself buddy. I responded back casually and it didn't go much further. There was no mention of getting together by either of us. Perhaps we are just 2 nice people who aren't interested in each other and yet don't want to be the bad guy and actually come out and say it. Or we're just lazy.

Oh well. On to the next.

I re-upped with eHarm for another 3 months. If nothing else, it's some entertainment for me. It gives me something to write about, something to look forward to, something to occupy my mind.

How dinner & a movie became lunch and nothing else

I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to go out with him. I knew it was going to be awkward and uncomfortable and I would think of a million reasons to cancel before I actually walked in the door. But I also knew I needed to do this. Why am I wasting money on this service (eHarm) if I'm not going to give it and the people on there a chance?

He called me the night before and asked if we could meet a little earlier. His class would be getting out sooner and he wanted to up our meet time by a few hours. OK sure, no problem.

I struggled with myself for hours the day of meeting. Before I could stop myself, I would think of reasons to cancel on him. Some were plausible (I'm not feeling well, my car won't start, I have to work) and some more ridiculous (I just broke my arm, my car was stolen, I have to leave the country). Some made me laugh out loud (I just found out I had a child). Yes I'm insane. I've never denied that.

So I took a deep breath, tried to calm my raging anxiety, and drove to the meeting point. Of course I arrived early. I always arrive early. I hate being late and if I'm not positive how long traffic will take or if I don't know exactly where the place is, I always leave even earlier.

We were meeting at at local sandwich place for a late lunch before the movie. I walked in and he was sitting at a table playing some little hand held game. (What's a PSP?) We said hello, exchanged pleasantries and looked at the menu. We walked up and ordered our sandwiches and now it's time to pay. This whole "paying for stuff" thing is so awkward. Do I just keep my mouth shut and let him pay? Do I offer? How do I offer without seeming insincere and yet without being too pushy? I have no idea how to handle this situation. So I just paid for my own. He didn't really offer, so I think I read the situation correctly. Who knows!

We sat down and ate and talked. He was easy to talk to, interesting, and intelligent. The conversation seemed to flow well. After about an hour, he mentioned that he was tired and that the movie was almost 3 hours and he didn't think he could stay awake and maybe we could try it next weekend. I said that was fine and assumed he was doing what all guys do. At least what all guys seem to do to me. NEVER CALL AGAIN. Yes I'm cursed. Insane and cursed. I think it has a nice ring to it.

So we parted ways (no physical contact of any kind), he said he'd call me this week, and I knew I would never hear from him again. I went home, pleased with myself for actually going through with it. I faced my fears, tried to connect with another person, had interesting conversation, and I SURVIVED!!! That's a win in my book (although I admit my standards are in the basement).

And that is how dinner & a movie became lunch and nothing else.

P.S. Less than 24 hours later I got a text from him. Just friendly and casual. We'll see.

OH! He likes to pay with $2 bills.

Dinner & A Movie

I will be the first to admit that I am completely out of my element when it comes to dating. I have no idea what is expected and what the rules are.

But I'm learning. I think.

I've been on eHarmony for almost 6 months and in that time I've met more men than I had in the 15 years prior combined (is this progress?). I've learned some things along the way.

#1 Men are people too. Although the initial meeting after emailing and talking on the phone is always uncomfortable for me (and probably them too), I now understand that these men should hold no terror for me. They are just trying to meet someone and see if there is a connection. It does me no good to be silent and too nervous to function.

#2 Waiting for a guy to call will virtually ensure that he won't. Oh how much time I've wasted waiting for that phone to ring! And if he says he's going to call and he doesn't, that tells me all I need to know.

#3 Always insist on the phone call before meeting. A voice and brief conversation can tell you a lot about a person. I've talked to mumblers, slurrers, cat men. I've also had entire conversations exclusively about tire recycling and beer making. If he doesn't ask about me, he either doesn't know how to communicate, he's narcissistic, or he just doesn't care to know about me.

#4 Men like to meet for coffee. Every guy I've met has wanted to get coffee (with the exception of the last guy, but we know how great that turned out). Coffee is a nice way to check someone out and get a quick feel (ha!) for who they are in person. It's fast, non-threatening, and easy to make a quick escape if need be.

These things have been fairly universal for everyone I've met. Now I've met someone who wants to meet for dinner and a movie. Seriously? We've only been talking on the phone for a week. Is that too soon for that lengthy of a "date"? Should I insist on coffee? What if we stand there face to face for the first time and don't like each other? Now we are stuck being polite for 3 hours. At least the movie will absorb some of the awkwardness.